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CDD Creates New Virtual Park Experience

SATIRICAL NEWS

Addressing resident demands that the Westchase Community Development District (CDD) make their closed park playgrounds available again, in mid-May the district released a new virtual Westchase playground experience.

The video, shot over two weeks, offers a virtual Westchase playground visit, akin to what large museums are using to enable online tours their collections.

“We wanted Westchase parks to be just like the Louvre in Paris,” said CDD Chair Jim Mills. “This virtual experience gives Westchase children the feeling that they are back, carefree and virus-free, running through our parks. When I watched the video, I felt like I was 6 again. I was laughing and shrieking. I even felt an overwhelming desire to eat and throw mulch. That’s when I knew we had a winner.”

Field Manager Doug Mays stated the district cast at least 20 adults and two dozen children and filmed the experience, in a socially-distanced fashion, in early May. After production, two dozen Westchase parents screened it for tweaking. “They loved it. We only had to pull the scene with the stay-at-home dad,” said Mays. “He made a lot of our sample moms uncomfortable. Apparently they thought he might be at the playground looking to abduct several children.”

The video, shot with a camera strapped to a running child’s head, proceeds helter-skelter around the playground. It passes parents sitting on the park’s benches with coffee cups in one hand and their phones in the other, never looking up. Shouting wildly, the child then passes over the climbing wall before running through two boys hitting each other with sticks and a little girl telling another little girl that her clothes are ugly. Shooting through some playground tunnels, the boy flies down the corkscrew slide and then rushes over to the nearby pavilion, where he stuffs a chicken nugget in his mouth and throws a juicebox at his brother. Then he runs to the swings, passing the parents who are still on their phones, and demands a turn on them. When the other children refuse, he rushes over to the riding animals, climbs on and rocks them hard enough to snap them off at their bases.

“The details are amazing,” said CDD Supervisor Brian Ross. “I actually had to take some Ritalin after watching it.”

The “Amazing Virtual Westchase Playground Experience” will be available for viewers’ enjoyment on www.westchasecdd.com through the end of the pandemic.

By Chris Barrett, Publisher

The above story represents satirical news meant for entertainment purposes only. While we kind of wish it were true, it’s not.

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