Man Wonders if Stucco Might Be “A Little Overdone” in Florida


“You know, it just hit me one day while out doing the lawn,” said David Milburn of The Greens.

“I just looked around and it was like a total explosive epiphany. This whole stucco thing. There’s kind of a lot of it around here.”

Milburn scratched his head. “I mean it’s not like it’s one like a quarter of the houses. Or even half the houses. It’s on every house.”

His eyes squinted. “Don’t you find it all a little odd?”

A native of Oshkosh, Wisconsin, the Westchase resident said his hometown had homes that had lots of different finishes. “We had wood homes. We had brick homes. Some folks just loved the heck out of aluminum siding. We even occasionally had ice homes but most of those wouldn’t last past July.”

But here?

“It’s just stucco as far as the eye can see.”

Milburn, who says his homeowners association has rules that keep identical houses from being built next to each other, doesn’t even allow people who live beside or across from each to paint their homes the same color.

But as for house finish?

Stucco. Stucco. Stucco.

“Was there a stucco special in the 90’s?” Milburn asked. “Was stucco on bogo at Home Depot? Just who got paid off?”

Based on his careful reading small community Facebook groups, Milburn now has a theory. “I think WOW might be behind it. I really do.”

He looked around carefully and lowered his voice. “They’re clearly hiding something.”

Editor’s Note: This story isn’t true. Some readers may think it’s true, but it’s not. Really. Trust us. It’s satire, meant for entertainment purposes only.

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