Westchase Man Confused That No One Wants to Hear About His Fantasy Football Team

SATIRICAL NEWS

“I’m currently in first in one of my four fantasy football league and even my wife doesn’t care,” said Zach Lowry of Greencrest.

“On Sunday, as I was telling her all about it, her response was, ‘If you’re gonna stand there and talk about your fake football team, at least help me fold the laundry while you do it.’”

He shook his head. “It just stopped being fun then.”

“I have never been in first and I’ve been in that particular fantasy league for eight years,” he added. “Let me tell you, bro, that one is a top notch Fantasy Football League with a lot of money and some serious Vegas guys. I tried texting my buddies in the league and no one even responded except for Obnoxious Bob, who just said, ‘Lucky week, I guess. Because normally your starters suck.’” He shook his head. “Bob’s a Patriots fan.”

Lowry added, “Yesterday after her bath, I thought my daughter was really interested when I sat down next to her in the living room. She kept nodding and smiling and nodding and smiling and then she just said, ‘I don’t know who any of those people are, Daddy, but do you want to play with my Fresh Dolls or make some Glitter Dots Sparkle Charms with me?’”

I even tried talking to some other guy at the gym two days ago. I know the fool has a fantasy football team because he kept glancing at the game recaps on the TV and mentioned two weeks ago he picked Greg Zeurlein. When he couldn’t stop avoiding my gaze any longer, he just pointed to his earbuds. “I’m on a business call,” he said. Lowry made a doubtful face. “Everyone knows he just listens to Bonnie Rait on leg day.”

DeFontini shook his head. “What’s the point of being in first place in your Fantasy Football League if you can’t tell everyone about it?”

DeFontini grimaced. “Then just last night, as I was taking the garbage can back in, I get in a real conversation with my Tom, next door neighbor. I get excited and hopeful because, there I was, finally talking about my fantasy football team with someone. But it was a total, disappointing fake out.” DeFontini threw up his hands in disgust. “Turns out all Tom wanted to do was talk about his fantasy football team. I had to quickly cut the whole thing short.”

This story is fictional in nature and solely intended for entertainment.

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